Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

Happy new year to all my lovely Tinderella crew. I hope you all had a good one. So after my break I am all refreshed and back in business. I have to say I have missed the weekly rush of a Monday blog. So this being my first Christmas single in five years it’s safe to say I wouldn’t be getting any present from bae. I had mixed emotions from start to finish. Not to mention the constant reminders of what I was missing all around me. Like, give me a break Christmas, don’t ease me in or anything.

Christmas is a time to be with family and friends and even though I did just that, I couldn’t help but think of my other family and friends that I lost in the divorce to “He-that-shall-not-be-named”. It was normal for me to think of them and feel their absence. After all, they were the left side of me for a long time. They were my second family, sure I spent more time with them than I did my own because we lived beside them. Sometimes when I think about them I wonder if they’re thinking about me too. I can’t get my head around how fast that band aid was whipped off and left me with nothing but a scar, a scar with a pulse of memories I can’t erase.

Do they have this scar too?

Do I pop into their head?

I would have to wouldn’t I?

Am I the only one that was left scarred?

It is an upsetting thought that your old life is no more and your old family has moved on without you. The lyrics “now you’re just somebody that I used to know” now has a meaning because they are indeed just somebody that I used to know.  Strangers. But that is life isn’t it, you have to keep moving forward or else you will be stuck in the past and it’s called the past for a reason. I guess one day I will be non-existent to them. My name will just be a name. It won’t pass their lips, won’t cross their mind, soon memories will replace memories . I know I have already started slowly forgetting the memories I used to replay in my head. They get less and less detailed each time to the point I would really have to think hard about it. Now that’s a scary thought to be able to forget about a major part of your life over time. Even memories don’t last forever. I mean I don’t even remember his phone number, which is a good thing because a girl could lose a lot of dignity with a phone number and a bottle or two of wine. (Congratulations, you just won a thousand euro) #prankcallcentral

So now being seven months single, a clear head and a hand full of wine, I can honestly say I have never been more excited about 2017 in my whole life. But sure I wouldn’t have because that shit only comes around once in a lifetime. When people say new year,new me I can’t say that because I was already the “new me” when I got my heart broken. This time seven months ago was the beginning of the “new me” and what a journey it has been.

Bring on Valentine’s!

2016 has certainly been a year of loss. First of all we lost more celebrities this year that it outweighed statistics and made us fear for everyone’s existence, it also gave us a lot of gas memes! But for me I lost my second family, friends, my love and my Grandad. I’ve lost weight, I’ve lost the head, I’ve lost my heart, I’ve lost an ocean of tears and I’ve lost more of my belongings than I can account for. Nonetheless it was known as the unlucky year, which I wouldn’t disagree with but walking away from 2016 I can’t help but say wow.

In a year full of loss, it was the best year that could have happened to me as a person. Although I lost things, I gained a hell of a lot more (including the weight I lost but sure it’s Christmas, be grand). I’ve gained a whole different outlook on life, I’ve gained a new confidence in myself, I’ve gained contentment with my own company (I’m actually sound) I now know what I’m looking for in a man and I won’t settle for anything less, I know what type of people I want in my life. If this year has taught me anything it has really opened my eyes to people. I have dreams again but most of all I’ve gained my spark back and for me that was the game changer because I feared I would never see it again. If I can crawl my way through a pitch black tunnel caving in on top of me and come out the other end into the light stronger than ever, so can you.

Thanks for making me a fighter

Yes, I’ll always have memories of “He-that-shall-not-be-named” and yes, they will always be with me but now I’m a kite set free and I am soaring over views I have never even imagined. For anyone who is not quite there yet, I was once not there too. It’s easier said than done but now that I am here I can promise you, you will be too. You are on your way and trust me it is the best feeling in the world. So keep that chin up, you’re stronger than you know. This is your year baby so go out and get ‘em, but this time go get ‘em for you.

Until next week

Tinderella

x

P.s “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!”

– Rocky Balboa