This being my first Valentine’s single in five years, I can completely understand the scariness of being alone on V-day, even writing that sentence leaves me with an empty feeling in my stomach.
But, when I think about it, what am I missing? A man, a male, a boy, a guy, a lad, a dude – Just that one thing is missing from my February 14th and let’s be real it’s nothing I can’t live without – Sure “He-who-could-not-be-named” couldn’t even put up a bleeding picture!
Us girls can do just fine without a man after all “Anything they can do, we can do better” so swap that testosterone for oestrogen and that Valentine’s for Galentine’s.
Galentine’s Day!
Planning an anti-Valentine’s party for your single girlos is a must this V-day.
Who says you need a man to have fun when you have some very fun and very single friends to confess your undying love for.
Throw a Galentine’s party with pajamas, alcohol, Doritos and dick straws, yes you heard me, dick straws and have the absolute drunken girlie bants.
Party it up like the lonely ‘aul spinsters that you are and own it!
Set up camp with a box of Kleenex as you dehydrate yourself watching the notebook.
Have a rant about all those stupid bitches like Mary in relationships and getting the ride while you’re over here slowly turning back into a virgin!
Intoxicate yourself to the point were you pass out among the company of your bestos and get the best night’s sleep ever!
Ex’s ritual!
Yes, your reading that right, Ex’s ritual, whats that you might ask?
Ritual by definition “is a sequence of activities involving gestures, words, and objects, performed in a sequestered place”, in simpler words – when you burn all your ex’s shit.
What better way to let go of the old and make room for the new then literally getting rid of the old by cremating it.
I can’t think of anything better to bring you and your girlfriends closure than over the burning flames of hatred for your Ex!
Now if I knew where my ex’s s**t was I would build myself a mini bonfire, but I honestly couldn’t tell you where any of his stuff is, maybe in the house that I bought everything for and once it was furnished I got sent on my way – Keep it babe!
I don’t need a constant reminder of you anyway!
Note: Do not do this in your house our you will recreate the scene from friends – But then again they got dates with hot Fireman.
Let your hair down!
Get dolled up to the nines and hit the town with your girls!
Being single is not the end of the world, especially on Valentines because you are sure to bag yourself a cheeky kiss – After all anyone who isn’t loved up will be hitting the town!
You can be sure that this is the option I am going for!
When I was in a relationship, I used to hear about how Valentine’s is the best night to go out and be guaranteed the wear because who ever you’re dancing next to is a singleton – And if they’re not, well, someone better dump their ass because that is some shitty boyfriend material right there!
You see, the couples are too busy staying in being lazy or sitting at a table somewhere staring into each others eyes – Gross!
It is time to test out this notion and report back to you girlos for future reference, you can be sure to get all the ins and outs of my single cherry popping Valentine’s adventure. (Is it just me or does that sound like pure filth?)
Pamper day!
No matter what girl you are, we all love to be pampered so, why not go on the ultimate pampering day?
I’m talking dressing gown and full body massage pampering day, sure you only live once
Seeing as we don’t have someone to pamper us anymore it’s time we pamper ourselves!
Let’s be real though, I would have died before I got pampered by “He-who-shall-not-be-named”!
Girls, there are so many pamper deals on Groupon and Pigsback and I would know because I have been stalking the s**t out of them – I will be broke before I know it!
You’re full on spoiled for choice, all with just a click of a button!
Picture yourself sipping bubbly, getting a french pedicure and having a full on bitch fest with the girls or better yet, your mam!
Trip away!
If you are already heading away for V-day then you had the right idea and can you take me with you? Thanks.
If the struggle is real this February 14th and you just couldn’t possibly be dealing with your loved up friends why not be spontaneous AF and treat yourself to a Valentine’s trip away.
I mean if you have holidays to take at work and money in your bank account then what is really holding you here, because it ain’t Bae!
No one is going to treat you as well as you treat yourself so, why not head off on a city break to Amsterdam or Budapest with your huns?
Last minute flights are super cheap and you are bound to find a last minute Valentines package deal – Tempting right?
Tinderella 