After me coming up with the best plan ever for my own well being, I get the ultimate setback!

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Although it’s my birthday, you still got a blog out of me. Well amn’t I only lovely? *Pause for admiration* Thanks. I try. So now that you had time to digest the random events that took place in my blog last week, I’m going to take you in a different direction this week. There is more to this cream puff than just filling you in on how much of a slut that I am…NOT! Lads, I’m a full-on Virgin Mary but when I turn over to the dark side I’ll fill you in.

Now, for any latecomers I’m just newly single. Yes, you heard me, not newlywed, newly single *sheds a tear* but no, I’m actually starting to get the hang of the whole being on your own thing. Like, it’s not a look I would have went for but amn’t I only delighted I got no choice but to try it on now.  

Me: Occasionally loving life

I’ve been on the scene the last few months and by Jesus have I been on a see-saw of emotions. Now I’ve been on the heavier side more than I can keep up with. Purely because it’s still closer to the end then the beginning but I’m going up more every day. Now, this being my first birthday being single, I didn’t take to it very well. The absolute fear of getting older always took over but now, on top of that, the fear of change was kicking in. Like, where do I get my birthday sex now? #VirginMary. Once I reminded myself he never knew where the clit was anyway I soon snapped out of that. For me, it was more the change of not having that one person that had always been there, and that killed me. So I did what I do best and avoided the whole situation. To keep myself from turning into a crazy woman when that full moon hit on all Hallow’s Eve, I gave myself a practical pep talk.

“Yeah, you want change, oh I’ll give you change, I’ll give you change real good. You’re going to celebrate your birthday in a different country because you’re a mad bitch and you definitely won’t bump into ex bae there…genius.”

So that was that. Before I even had time to finish my pep talk I was checked in for a trip to Essex.

Pictured: Me legging it to the airport

Grand. Now, I know you’re thinking “why Essex?” well I’m not all crazy. *Thunder goes off in the background of my uncontrollable laughter* I have a babe of a friend there that agreed to take me in with open arms because that’s what friends do when you need them. All hail Caesar! I figured I was already feeling shit from the change that if I mixed up my birthday this year I wouldn’t notice it as bad. I was like, if this is what I’m like for my birthday… well good f***ing luck to me at Christmas.

The plan was solid, no turning back now. Essex come at me! After me coming up with the best plan ever for my own well being, I get the ultimate setback! Give me strength. Just when I was starting to get myself back together. I was going about my day laughing my head off without a care in the world and my phone went off. Now I was in work at the time about to do a talk and I couldn’t help myself but have a cheeky look at my phone. I had to see who it was being a nosey bitch and all. Well if my heart didn’t only sink out my arse. Wasn’t it only “He-that-shall-not-be-named”

What the flipping flop did he want? I haven’t heard from him in five months like. So, as much as I wanted to read it, I was shitting myself with the thought of what he could say. Would it be what I’ve wanted to hear?

“Hey babe, I’ve been thinking about you a lot, would you like to meet up and have a chat? I miss you. X”.

Or would it be something stupid like…

“Hey ******, A letter came for you in the post will I send it on”.

UGHHHHHHH GOD DAMNIT, I HATE WHEN HE CALLS ME BY MY NAME!

Whatever he had to say, it wasn’t going to have a good outcome. Outcome one, I would have ended up with a choice to see him again or, Outcome two, The realisation it’s really over and his decision is still final.

I secretly wanted that “I’ve made a mistake” text. Any girl who says different, they’re lying to your face. Now I know you are all probably thinking. No! What are you saying? You’re better off…blah blah blah. Heard it all way too many times but will I listen? NO! The truth is, if he wanted to meet, I would go. I wouldn’t go to get back with him because I do know I deserve better which I have already proved. Not to mention I’d be a full on thick to go back there after the way he ended it. If I was to meet up with him it would be to get closure. I deserve it after how easy it was for him to cut me out.

Whether he would give it to me or not, I had to go and see. Unfortunately I knew him, so I was preparing myself for disappointment. My face turned expressionless and the colour of “Casper the Friendly Ghost” which, once I saw that text, would become “Casper the Emotionally Unstable Ghost”.

Seems about right

I can count on one hand the amount of words I said in that talk. I was so out of the loop and I was angry I let him affect me to the point of being speechless which, if you knew me, doesn’t happen. He’s not even in my life and seeing his stupid name paralyses me.  

I was as helpless as Harry Potter when he seen bae

Fast forward to me reading it in my car. This lad has some cheek. Are you ready to see why he texted me? I don’t think you are. Ok, here is the exact message word for word.

“Hey *****, I know I’m not supposed to get in touch with you and this is kinda breaking the rules but it’s a bit of an emergency. I can’t find my passport and the last place I remember having it was in my bedside locker. I was wondering if you might have taken it by accident with the lockers. Aside from that I hope you’re keeping well over the past months”.

There you have it. He only texted to set me back a week before my “big change” for his own self gain. *Claps hands* Great show babe! Did you have popcorn while sending that off? You had me at “Hey” and lost me at “passport”. I was left feeling empty. That’s the first thing he says to me after all this time. Did he not think for one second that me seeing his name in the first place would give me a heart attack? How absolutely stupid can this guy that I used to call my lover be. First of all…

“Why would I have your stupid passport?”

“If I did take it what makes you think I would have kept it as a keepsake?”

“Are you calling me a robber?”

“What rules are you even talking about?”

“Do you even care if I’m doing well?”

Ma, Da step back and prepare as your tornado of a daughter is coming home so do not even make eye contact if you want to live.

It’s gas how something so small could have such a big effect. I was gone for two days just moping around and breaking down crying at random. You know when you start to question everything? What if that was just his way to start a conversation? But I will never know because I did not text back. I know right. After me not texting back he wrote again just to rub the salt in the wound.

“Hey forget about it I know you didn’t take it. I’m sure I’ll find it somewhere.” 

ALRIGHT…thanks for letting me know, pal, I’m just going to play Lady Gaga’s “Perfect Illusion” on loop now. At this stage that trip could not come any faster. Get me on that plane and put a vodka in my hand.

Me: Being newly single abroad

One thing I can say I’m proud of myself for is I never once called or texted him, drunk or sober. I haven’t looked up his Facebook or twitter page, even though they‘re a finger click away. I never begged for him back and I most certainly didn’t call over to our *cough* his house to play pranks. (Even though I still have the keys). In that sense, I can say I’m one strong, independent woman in charge…and one stubborn-ass Scorpio!

Until next Monday,

Tinderella

X